Overcoming the Woman's Curse to Desire Masculine Power.
All things have one beginning, the moment in time when God declared creation into existence, and within this creation, which He declared was good, was a built-in hierarchy. This heirarchy is one that is plain to see throughout ALL of the scriptures, and you cannot help but see it unless you studied the Word with eyes intentionally shut.
"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord." -1 Peter 3:1-6
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." -Ephesians 5:22-24
"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." -Colossians 3:18
"I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet." -1 Timothy 2:12
A person seeking absolute truth (and not merely searching the scriptures to back their own biases) would have a hard time denying that men were placed over women, just as children were placed under women. Why then do we see, even within the church, a reversal of this order? Why has Feminism been able to dig its claws so deeply into the culture that even Christian marriages are struggling to survive this inversion of biblical roles? Sin would be the first answer of course, but more than that, is the specific curse for that original sin, a curse that ALL women would have to fight against daily for all of time: The ever-nagging desire to usurp her husband's authority.
"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." -Genesis 3:16
Look how strong the language is that we (as women) WILL desire headship! God has even declared that we are cursed to have this irrational desire, but to make matters worse we live in an age where the world makes it even easier to give into this wicked impulse. Every show, movie, commercial, or advertisement that is thrown in our faces portray men as ignorant buffoons. They can't do anything right, as they break, lose, or screw-up any number of things that require women to come to their "rescue" and show them how it's really done. At first it was just propaganda, to make us believe that our men were incompetent, but slowly (through the public school system and lack of parental responsibility to pass knowledge and work ethic on to the next generation) men are actually starting to embrace that stereotype and actually becoming the inept bumbling morons incapable of changing the oil in their car, fixing a leaky toilet, or even knowing the difference between a flat head or Philips head screwdriver. The curse has never been harder to overcome and never been easier to embrace.
So, if the men have significantly lower testosterone than they did a few generations ago, if they don't know how to build or repair things, if they lose their keys or can't find the ketchup that is right in front of their face, does this mean we can topple the God given order and insert ourselves over our husbands' failings? Doesn't this excuse us? I mean we're just doing what's best for our household by making the decision to call a plumber to fix the leaky sink because our husband would probably just make it worse, right? We are just doing what's best for our finances when we give our husbands an allowance, so he doesn't spend the money unwisely. We are just doing what's best for our children when we interrupt and correct their dads retelling of a historical story with slightly incorrect facts. We have the best intentions, don't we?
Are our excuses for this any better?
"It's my personality, I can't help it when I speak over my husband all the time, I'm "type A"'.
"I know more about this topic than my husband so it's ok if I interrupt him mid-discussion."
"Of course, I can veto his decision about the color of the cabinets to the kitchen designer at Lowes, it's MY kitchen!"
"I only talk about my husband's problems and failings with my friends and family, it's ok because they do it too after all."
"I do all the driving because I'm the better driver."
"I make all the phone calls and set up all the appointments because I'm a better communicator."
"It's just better if I tell him when and where he needs to be because he's too scatter brained to remember."
"Of course, I need to remind him of everything he needs to do every morning, when he gets home from work, and before bed or else he'll forget to do it!"
Even if we believe that men are the "head of the household", acting like this shows it's only an honorary title with no real function. We expect he will follow the scripture to love us unconditionally while we heed it not and disrespect him body and soul, day and night, at home and in the public eye. We are the mutinous second mate, undermining our captain, then pointing the finger in shame and blame when the shipwrecks on the rocks. We demand our way and then when our way doesn't work out, we can blame him, because on paper he is the "head of the household". Convenient, isn't it?
Yet, all the while we forget that we (and our children) are on the ship. If we are constantly taking the wheel from the captain in attempt to steer the ship in a different direction, giving the crew conflicting instructions, the chaos, the bickering, the nagging, and the fighting will sink the marriage into the watery depths of disorder and even dissolution.
"But my captain is a nincompoop! He can't steer or give commands to the crew! The ship will sink if I don't step in!"
Will it? If he is that incompetent, why would you make him your captain? Why did you choose to marry him in the first place? The truth is that you obviously thought there were qualities there that would make him a good husband and if you married a nincompoop on purpose then I'm sorry to say, "YOUR STUPID!", and if you find yourself in that situation the best thing you can do is let him sink the ship, at least the blame would be fully on him, and you would be blameless before God and man.
But let's be real ladies. For most of you that is not the case. When you think back to your dating years you will find what it was that attracted you to him. You will remember why you said yes when he asked you to marry him.
The fact is we have been cursed to (over time) instinctively overlook his strengths, virtues, and wisdom and focus on his weaknesses, vices, and ignorance. We've been trained by our godless society that women don't need men, because the government will side with you, take care of you, and give you everything in the event of a divorce; the children, the house, and a good portion of his weekly paycheck. So, there's no risk for us on our end, nothing to keep our worst behavior in check. Women can usurp authority all they want and if the marriage dissolves because of it, they know that they will be taken care of by Uncle Sam.
Is this what we really want? Families torn apart and for what? Having the last word in a fight? Controlling what your husband can buy, say, or even accomplish? Do you really think that your efforts are making a positive impact on your family (or even society)? How can he become a better man if you refuse to allow it? If he isn't given the encouragement and patience from you to try to fix the sink, he never will. If he isn't given the responsibility to handle the finances, he won't be responsible with money. If he is constantly spoken over, he will shrink into the background as just another "quiet guy," rather than risk appearing to be too weak to keep his wife in her place in the company of others.
We women do this! We are the ones responsible for these shameful outcomes. We are the ones who are to blame.
"Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife." -Proverbs 21:9
"A continual dripping on a very rainy day
And a contentious woman are alike;
Whoever restrains her restrains the wind,
And grasps oil with his right hand." -Proverbs 27:15,16
"Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman." -Proverbs 21:19
We cause strife, when all our husbands want is peace. We crush them with our complaints, when we should be lifting them with complements. We break him down with criticism, when we should be building him up with encouragement. He is your captain, don't you want him to be the best he can be to sail confidently through the stormy night, when you are tucked in your cabin warm and safe, under his watch?
The lances that we as women are apt to wield are completely useless, unless our goal is a sunken marriage, of course. We wield silence in an attempt to show we are displeased with him (or something else entirely, it can change moment to moment), when all he wants is for us to communicate so he can fix the problem. Men are fixers, not guessers. On the other hand, we wield the ever-dreaded NAGGING in an attempt to get him to do what we want him to do, when a honey-do-list and some encouraging side remarks would be sufficient. Men are highly motivated to get things done when a carrot is offered rather than always being beaten with a stick. We wield baggy sweatpants and shirts with a sloppy bun on our head to be sure he gets the message we aren't in the mood, when all he wants is to adore and enjoy his beautiful wife so the temptation to look at the countless half naked women of the world is just that much easier to resist (Proverbs 5:18-20). We wield instant meals, take-out, or worse "nothing, make it yourself" because we are just "so busy" or not "good" at cooking, when all he wants is to know you care enough about him to make sure he is eating healthily (and all those jealous remarks made by the guys at work when he shows them the leftovers his wife packed him are just an added bonus).
The list could go on, but we know our weapons well so no need to unpack them all. The point being made here is that they are dull and aimed at our closest and most treasured ally. I will give you no illusion to the fact that being submissive to a sinner is hard, made even harder by the curse, and made even more so by the degenerate culture we live in, BUT it is what our Lord God has directly commanded us to do, NOT just as a punishment for the original sin, but because in the end that is what is best for us and God will bless us and our family for our endeavors. God loves to confound the wisdom of the world by raising high those who make themselves low. The most obedient, thoughtful, and attentive wife is one that the world would make out to be a slave, but in reality, she is the most prized and treasured woman, sought out desperately by all men for all of time.
Am I giving a pass to the many problems that modern men are guilty of? No, but for this article, YES! Women have been treated with kid gloves for far too long! They seek "equality" but never want to hear criticism as they criticize men into the ground. Just as Katherine in the "Taming of the Shrew" had to drag her sister and the newly married widow out by their ears to obey their husbands call, so too must I be so harsh. The world's problems are women problems! Period! The moment women get any kind of masculine power, they ruin everything they touch with it, from the family up to prime ministers.
"As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths." -Isaiah 3:12
When I reflect on that Isaiah text, I am reminded of the movie "The Punisher" when the mob boss (played by John Travolta) was told his son was killed. In retaliation for the death of this son, the mob-boss orders that the man who did it should be put to death in a professional hit (an eye for an eye); however, his mourning wife (upon hearing this) leans forward and demands that not only should the man die, but his wife, children, and indeed his entire extended family should also be killed!
Ruthless.
(and don't even get me started on Queen Jezebel).
The old-saying really is true that; "Hell, hath no fury like a woman scorned!"
So how do we overcome such a cruel and powerful desire in our marriages? How can we have victory over the inherent craving to usurp our husband's authority?
We, like Katherine, have to learn to first and foremost hold back the negative thoughts we have about our husbands and smash them to pieces. We will never see his strengths, virtues, and wisdom if we always have on the dark shades of fault seeking. When you catch yourself doing it, stop and look as hard as you can for one positive thing and focus on it. Praise and encourage that one thing even if that's the only one you can find, and before you know it more will begin to appear for you to nurture with love and admiration. The more you focus on his positive traits the easier it is to trust and follow him, knowing that the Lord is directing his steps as he leads the family. Yes, he may be a sinner, but as long as he is following our Holy God, you can follow him with confidence!
Second, ask him if there are times when he feels you are stepping out of bounds and try to become more aware of it. If he says; "I felt a little disrespected when I was explaining to our friends at church how we had met and every other sentence you interrupted to correct me," then the next time you are in a group setting make an attempt to allow your husband to tell the whole story without interrupting him, EVEN if what he says is incorrect.
GASP!
Here is a bitter pill for you to swallow ladies: it is better for information to be wrong and need correcting later in private, than for you to be viewed as a dominatrix in public. If he values your input he will ask you for it, and once the temptation to interject over top of him has been quelled you can join in normal conversation like a respectful, submissive wife should. Do I still occasionally get fired up, interrupt, or talk over my husband? Yes, I am by no means a saint, but now all it takes is a gesture and I know I've overstepped and am able to back off without embarrassment to either of us.
Third, it is better to be obedient without sincerity than to remain disobedient. Good actions with bad intentions are still preferable to bad actions with good intentions. Katherine knew that she wasn't getting to her sister's wedding unless she agreed with what her husband said even if he was wrong. So, she did, knowing it wasn't 7am, or that the sun was the moon, or that the elderly man was a young girl, she knew it wasn't true, but she said it anyway because her husband said it was so. She decided that peace was worth appearing ignorant. If he was wrong about a fact, she would be wrong about that fact (in public mind you). I'm not advocating for women to be mindless bimbos, an intelligent yet submissive woman is a great prize, but an intellectual, know-it-all rebel makes her husband secretly wish he could bring back flogging. So, if he tells you he's invited someone over that you really don't like, if you must seethe, seethe on the inside and greet them with a smile. If he interrupts what you're doing to get him something he needs, do it even if you need to do an eyeroll as you walk away. Eventually after forcing yourself to be obedient for a while you will come into contact with someone like your old self and you will be appalled that that was once you.
Men are simple creatures, with simple needs, it is women who complicate everything with our doubts, emotions, and worries. He is the rational one hanging onto the anchor of Christ holding out his hand to us as we flail in the ocean of tears we've created. His protection, comfort, and warmth can only be attained when we stop fighting against him, stop ignoring his instructions, and stop trying to shove him under the water.
There is a good reason why all my daughters' favorite movie is the 1967 "Taming of the Shrew" starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Indeed, just hearing them quote Katherine's Shakespearean lines from heart while washing dishes or making dinner is an encouraging thing to behold. Sometimes when one of them gets snippy I remind them of who they are sounding like and somehow that snaps them out of it. They don't want to be viewed as a shrew, and neither should we as married women. We need to be better aware of our behavior and stop making excuses for it.
Your upbringing, your personality, and your time-of-the-month don't matter a hill of beans when it comes to your walk with your husband and ultimately your God. Oh, and don't think for one second that I've perfected any of this, I am speaking to myself just as much as I am to you.
So much more could be said but none can do better than the reformed shrew herself in her final monologue.
Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman mov'd is like a fountain troubled-
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience-
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am asham'd that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you forward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot;
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease.
(Katherine, Taming of the Shrew by Shakespear)
-Mrs. Johnson
P.S. Enjoy this video-clip of the climatic scene from the 1967 film!